Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The Journey Begins

We're ready for children!  What an exciting feeling when you and your husband finally make that decision.  Little did we know that it wouldn't come easy or maybe not at all.  During the first year there was always a sense of anticipation about when it would happen.  (Maybe we will be able to share exciting news at Christmas, that would be wonderful!  Maybe It we will have news to share as a birthday gift for my father, then maybe a Mother's Day gift or Father's Day gift.....)  After a year with no news, worry started to creep in.

A visit to the doctor was in order, some tests were run, and we ended up at the infertility clinic.  Diagnosis being unexplained infertility, which equals no answers.  We met with doctor and we had a plan of action.

Step 1 aka Round 1- IUI with Clomid (Not Successful)
My thinking:  Well, that is ok it is only the first try and maybe my system just hasn't adjusted to the medicine yet.

Round 2- Another IUI with Clomid (Not Successful)
My thinking:  Ok, so why isn't this working.  The doctor says our numbers look great, but I am not pregnant.  I think I need to talk to the doctor about a change in plans, but shouldn't she be talking to me about this?

Round 3-IUI with Letrozole and injectables (Not Successful)
My thinking:  I am starting to get frustrated that this is not happening, but maybe my body needs to get used to the new medicine.

Round 4- Same as Round 3 (Not Successful)
My thinking:  I can't believe this is not working!  IVF might be a reality, I am not sure I am ready for that!

Round 5- Never happened, the doctor called it off because my estrogen levels where too high.
My thinking: Now I have $500 worth of medicine in my refrigerator that can't be used this month.  I think I might need a break from all of this.

After four rounds with the last one canceled, we started considering taking a step back and taking a break from the infertility clinic.  It was becoming too much pressure.  People who cared and were just concerned, would ask every round how did things go.  Everyone knew what I was going through and wanted to be supportive, but when I said it didn't work there was a look of pity on their faces.  I was not looking for pity.  There was a reason why I wasn't getting pregnant and it was no one's fault.  That was just the way things were and I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me.

After months of disappointment, weight gain, feeling awful from the infertility drugs, and our schedule being dictated by what time I needed an injection, we decided to take a break and seek alternatives.  We decided to make some lifestyle and diet changes and I would receive acupuncture treatments twice a week for the next six months.  After six months we would see if anything happened and hope for the best.

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