Thursday, January 20, 2011

Six Months of Hope

The pressure was off, at least for a little while.  Over the next six months I headed to acupuncture two times a week, made diet changes, started to exercise, and lost 20 pounds.  I felt great!  I was hoping that the weight loss and getting into shape would increase my chances of conception.  Acupuncture was my other key to getting  my body into balance.  I will have to say that Acupuncture makes you feel wonderful and has  insurmountable benefits for your body.  I highly recommend it!

I kept track of my cycle every month and used ovulation predictor kits, so I knew the exact time of ovulation.  Every month I thought this will be the month, and then it was like a punch in the stomach when day 28 would come and I would have to mark cycle day 1 on my calendar the next day.  I was always thinking try to stay positive, but that was becoming more and more difficult as I was faced with disappointment every month.

My husband and I set a January deadline, that if I was not pregnant we would reassess the situation and seek other options.  Well, January came and you guessed it, I was not pregnant.  I had just turned 30 and I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be 30 and not be pregnant.  How could something that seemed to come so easy to many of the women who surrounded me, be so difficult and maybe even impossible for me.  I felt like I was walking around numb, because how could this be happening to me.  This is never how I pictured it and I started having feelings of resentment.  I really starting resenting women who would complain about their pregnancy. Now don't get my wrong I know being pregnant is not always easy, but when you can't get pregnant you just want to tell the complainers to shut up!  If the complainers could just sit in my place for a moment, then maybe they wouldn't complain.  It was time for a different plan.

We headed back to the infertility clinic and made an appointment with a different doctor.  When we met with the new doctor, he was wonderful and charted a path for us.  He was personable, explained things to us, and was just what I needed.  Step 1 in our new plan is to have a Laparoscopy done to see if the doctor can find anything that is preventing me from getting pregnant.  After the surgery we will hopefully have some answers.  I feel like that is all I want right now are some answers.  It is frustrating when something is wrong and you don't know how to fix it.  We will find out if we need to proceed onto IVF, or maybe the doctor will find something and be able to fix it during the surgery.  We just don't know, but I am looking forward to getting some answers.

So this brings us to present time.  My surgery is scheduled for next Friday and I am a little anxious about it, but I know that I am in good hands.  Finally, I feel a little bit of hope.

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